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Advice and support for you in bereavement
You may be reading this after someone close to you has died.
Please accept our sincere condolences; we are very sorry for your loss.
This booklet can help guide you through the arrangements that need to be made.
It includes advice and support in the initial stages of bereavement.
The booklet includes the following:
When someone dies: first steps
If the person died at home and it was expected, then their GP and community nursing team should be contacted. If none of these services are available, call 111 NHS helpline. A healthcare professional will support you and verify the death.
Often this person is a community nurse. Once this is done, the appointed funeral director can then be contacted for help with further arrangements.
If the person died in hospital, the ward team will support you and explain the next steps. You will need to let the ward team know the details of the appointed funeral director.
If the person’s death was sudden and unexpected then you will need to call 999 immediately for paramedics and the police to attend. They will support you and explain the next steps.
Medical Certification and the Medical Examiner Service
If the likely cause of death is known, then a doctor, who has known the person in their lifetime, can start completing the Medical Certificate of Cause of Death.
They do this with involvement of a Medical Examiner. They may also contact a family member for information. The Medical Examiner is an independent Doctor who will ensure that the certificate is completed accurately. The Medical Examiner will contact a family member or friend of the person who has died, to explain the cause of death and understand any concerns about the care received at end of life.
If the cause of death is unknown or something untoward may have happened a doctor will refer to The Coroner to investigate the cause of death. Sometimes a post-mortem may be arranged. You will be supported to understand if this happens.
Registering the death
The Medical Examiner will send the completed Medical Certification of Cause of Death to the registrar. The Medical Examiner Service will then say when a relative of the deceased can make an appointment to register the death. The death must then be registered in person at a Local Authority Registry Office within 5 days. It is recommended to register the death with the local authority that the person died within - elsewhere there may be a delay in receiving the certificate as this may be delivered by post. Details of Registration Offices are found later in this document in the Details of organisations and resources section.
Who can register the death?
A relative should register the death. If a relative cannot register the death, you can do it if you:
Information for the Registrar
You’ll need to tell the registrar:
If relevant, the register office may also want to see the person’s:
Documents you will get from the registrar:
When you register a death, you’ll get a certificate for burial or cremation. This gives you permission for a burial or to apply for a cremation. You’ll also be able to buy death certificates – these prove the death has been registered. These certificates will be needed for sorting out the person’s affairs.
Arranging the funeral
It is important to choose and contact a funeral director as soon as possible after the person’s death so they can support you and make the necessary onward arrangements. Some people may have expressed a preferred funeral director before their death or there may be a family preference. Funeral directors offer services at different costs. You can contact several before deciding what to do. It’s okay to ask for simpler or less expensive options. A less expensive service does not reflect on how much a person means to you. The person who died may have expressed wishes - cultural, religious, or personal - about their funeral and related care. It is important to highlight these as soon as possible with the funeral director and any place of worship to ensure these wishes are met. You can get independent advice about choosing a funeral director and arranging a funeral. Details of independent funeral advice organisations are found later in this document in the Details of organisations and resources section.
Government Financial Support in Bereavement
If you receive benefits or tax credits, you may be eligible for a Funeral Expenses Payment. This is from the government to help you pay for the funeral.
This is for bereaved spouses, civil partners, or surviving cohabiting partners with dependent children. This includes if you were pregnant when your cohabiting partner died.
Please use the contact details at the end of this document to find out more about these payments.
Telling family and friends
You may need to tell other people that the person has died. We know that the way you tell someone bad news can make a difference to them, as well as to your own grief. It’s natural to worry about what to say, and how and when to tell others.
You may find that it helps to think about these things:
Telling organisations of the person’s death
Before telling organisations it is best to wait until you have registered the death; they may ask to see a copy of the Death Certificate.
The ‘Tell Us Once’ Service:
This service allows you to tell government departments that the person has died - through one single contact. To use this service, the death must have been registered, or you must have an interim death certificate. The registrar will explain the service and they may be able to complete this with you or give you a reference and contact details so you can use the service yourself.
The ‘Tell Us Once’ Service will notify:
HMRC and DWP will then contact you about the tax, benefits and entitlements of the person who died.
‘Tell Us Once’ will also contact some public sector pension schemes so that they cancel future pension payments.
Other organisations you may need to notify separately:
After the funeral
Settling someone’s estate can be confusing, distressing, and time-consuming. If you are executor of the person’s Will, it is your responsibility
to see that the person’s wishes, as you understand them, are carried out. This will include paying funeral expenses, debts and taxes as well as dealing with their possessions and other assets. You will need to contact the Probate Office to obtain the relevant forms and guidance, these forms and guidance are available online: www.gov.uk/government/collections/probate-forms
If you face financial difficulties while money is tied up in the estate, it may be helpful to discuss this with the person’s bank. Funds can be made available from the estate to pay for funeral costs and other bills. In complex situations you might consider contacting a solicitor for advice. There are fees for solicitor’s services so make it clear what they must do and any fees. The executor can charge any fees incurred to the estate of the person who has died.
Coping with grief
Each person’s experience of grief is unique to them. But there are some shared emotions that people experience.
Initial grief reactions
In the first minutes and hours, you may have many different feelings, and this is normal. There’s no right or wrong way to feel at a time like this. You may go into shock or feel numb. You may feel disbelief and think that what’s happened is not real. You may feel relief at first if the person had been in pain or if caring for them had become difficult. You might even try to carry on as though nothing has happened. Or you may feel angry or in despair.
Often the initial feelings are very intense and can involve a longing to be reunited with the person who has died. You may also have physical reactions, like heart palpitations, tiredness, or dizziness.
It can seem like things are not “real”, and it might be difficult to think about anything apart from the person who has died. And it is normal to become forgetful and lose focus.
After the funeral
The time after a funeral can also be difficult. It may seem that people’s lives have gone back to normal, and you might be wondering how you will cope without the person who has died.
Moving through grief
In time, many people begin to accept what has happened. You might feel like you can get back to taking part
in activities again and enjoying them. While you haven’t forgotten your loved one, their death has become a more
“accepted” part of your memory. Thinking about them isn’t as distracting as it was in the beginning, and feelings of grief are not the only emotions you feel. However, the time it takes to process these emotions is unique to everyone – it can take weeks, months, or years.
There may be periods when intense grief re-emerges. This is common and can happen around significant events like birthdays, anniversaries, or at a stressful time.
Bereavement support available that you can access at any point, please use the contact details at the end of this document to find out more about national and local bereavement support.
Long-term grief
For some people, the intensity of their grief doesn’t decrease, even after a long period of time has passed. If you are experiencing very strong feelings of grief you might find it helpful to get bereavement support.
You can ask your GP Surgery to refer you to a therapist or counsellor. Also see page 14 for details of other national and local bereavement support.
Sometimes people don’t begin to grieve until months or even years later. Everyone’s circumstances are different. If at any point you cannot cope with what you are feeling, don’t be afraid to get support. Please use the contact details at the end of this document to find out more about national and local bereavement support.
(adapted from Hospice UK website: www.hospiceuk.org/information-and-support/i-need-support-bereavement/coping-grief)
Details of useful organisations and resources
Funeral advice
Independent advice about choosing a funeral director and arranging a funeral:
Phone: 0121 711 1343
Phone: 0345 230 6777 or 01279 726777
Government advice about what to do when someone dies, including how to register the death, inform government departments and deal with the estate, including any property and money.
Registering a death
It is recommended if possible, to register the death in the local authority that the person died within.
North Yorkshire Council
www.northyorks.gov.uk/births-deaths-marriages/death/register-death
or call 01609 780 780
East Riding of Yorkshire Council
www.eastriding.gov.uk/living/deaths/registration or call 01482 393939
Hull City Council
www.hull.gov.uk/deaths/register-death or call 01482 300300
Government Financial Support
Please use these details to find out more about Funeral Support Payments and Bereavement Support Payments: www.gov.uk/browse/benefits/bereavement Or contact the Bereavement Service helpline:
Bereavement Support
Local and national organisations can provide emotional and practical support in coping with bereavement. Here are just a few
Cruse Bereavement Support
0800 808 1677
At a Loss
This is an online information service. It includes links to sources of support for your individual circumstances www.ataloss.org
NHS Choices
www.nhs.uk Search: ‘Dealing with grief and loss’ or ‘Coping with bereavement’.
Hospices
Saint Catherine’s Hospice
Scarborough, Whitby & Ryedale
Call 01723 351421
St Leonards Hospice
York, including Pocklington.
Call 01904 708553
Dove House Hospice
Hull and East Riding
Call 01482 784343
Other organisations who offer support
Age UK
Call 0800 055 6112
(available 8am – 7pm every day)
Alzheimer’s Society
Call 0333 150 3456
(various times 7 days a week)
Citizen’s Advice
North Yorkshire areas:
Call 0808 278 7900
Hull and East Riding areas:
Call 0800 144 8848
Marie Curie
Call 0800 090 2309
(various times 7 days a week)
The Samaritans
Call 116 123
(available 24 hours)
Tell us about your experience - Survey of the Bereaved
We would be very grateful if you could give feedback about our care for your loved one. Your feedback will help us continue to learn and improve our care. Thank you.
Please use the following link to the feedback form forms.office.com/e/P3WnJRTDrz
Complaints
If you have any concerns about our care, you can contact our Complaints and Feedback Team to discuss your concerns and for information on our complaints process:
patients-carers/complaints
Call or email
Tel: 01482 303930
Email: HNF-TR.complaints@nhs.net
Write to us:
You can write to the Complaints team at:
Trust Headquarters, Willerby Hill, Beverley Road, Willerby, HU10 6ED
Health Stars is proud to have supported the production of this important booklet.
Health Stars is the charity supporting teams across the Humber Teaching NHS Foundation Trust. Together we make wishes come true to enhance the care our patients and their loved ones receive. As a local NHS charity, we rely on the support of businesses, community groups and the generosity of our friends and neighbours.
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